Film

I decided last minute that I would abandon responsibility and instead accompany Andrew and Tristan up to the Cleveland International Film Festival.  We left at 10 a.m. in the midst of rain and a tornado drill and arrived at the Twin Cinema with a crowd that stressed me out.  But the stress was shortlived as I saw Sparrow, Achilles and the Tortoise, and 8 Independent shorts (the best of which were Pig, Derailed, Retouches, and Out There).  The car ride home was full of stimulating discussion, and I was renewed with vigor for my current film endeavor.

the last minute study thing

Woke late (as per usual), did laundry, piddled away at studying for comm theory.  Nonchalantly went to the film final, where we received heavy news that left me feeling odds dialectics and left me at a loss for how to respond.  Spent the night with Connie house-sitting, where I was up until 5 am studying for comm theory and then watching The Celebration--which was delightfully awful to watch (especially at 4 am). 

Feeling so spiritual that you doubt its authenticity

I met with Andrew in the afternoon to discuss my shitty seven research questions and my new shitty dialogue for my script. Overall, he was impressed (sort of) with the questions, and then not-so-much about the dialogue. Which I felt okay about, though not-so-okay about the new deadlines he has given me for both projects. The rest of the afternoon was dedicating to wrapping up a very insightful (HA!) spiritual autobiography that ended up constituting two pages. After storyboarding, I was once again excited about the project, and more so about the implications for my spirituality.

things are winding down

was determined to get a good day of studying in for comm theory, but it turned into more of a vague start to an overview.  the study party was generally unhelpful because we weren't thinking critically and I was overwhelmed by the large number of people there.  afterwards i went out to applebees with lots of great people and felt like i had a real social life for the first time in ages.  came back and made up ridiculous dialogue for my script, followed by generating research questions for my gendergenre thesis study. 

happy to be wrong

With a little help from Russ, I convinced Mom to meet me for lunch, where she showed up with a new coat for me!  The Revolving Doors writing meeting made me fear that they would soon regret inviting me to be a head writer (due to my lack of innovative and creative ideas), which left me feeling all self-deprecating and such (surprise!), so I went to get my hair done to feel better.  The salon closed at 5, so I went back to the room and wasted time before driving to Andrew's for class documentary-watching.  King of Kong was great, but a comment made in teasing upset me more personally than it should and I reacted strongly in anger.  I drove home fuming, only to receive an apology in my inbox, disproving my earlier beliefs about the person's intended effects. 

film, gender, christmas, plays

panicked before yet another group presentation (this one for history and theory of film), though i think in the end it went well.  it was dense and packed with information (i'm sure the class was nodding off during our extensive discussion of imaginary, mirror, Oedipal stages and how they intersect to create a wound while watching cinema that must be sutured through the maternal voice, followed by an overview of contrasting social presentations of woman vs Woman and the technologies of gender), but overall we were collected and organized and informing.  in the afternoon i got a little emo, but then i got over it in time to attend Christmas dinner and the second half of the 10-Minute Play festival (which i bias-ly think was not quite as good as the first half).  crawled to bed around 2 a.m.

getting past the ideal

gave comm theory presentation about mass communication, which led into a meeting about the webpage, possible honors thesis topics, my screenplay, and internship next semester.  am feeling completely lost about the middle two, so andrew's forcing me to come tuesday with 7 research questions and 2 new characters and 12 lines of dialogue in order to push me past my "massive superego that defines all of my decisions before i even make them."  went to watch my actors in the 10-Minute Play festival (while wishing i knew more about psychology) and left proud and grateful for this experience, and hoping to get more involved in theatre once again.

forensics-free saturday

worked all day, then watched What's Eating Gilbert Grape with my suitemates instead of reading film theory.  spent hours cleaning the shower, my room, the living area, all in order to feel productive without actually being productive.  browsed through pages of films to create an even longer netflix queue. 

a typical wednesday

that includes class, rehearsal, and MeTV.  not much socializing, not much free time.  read a chapter on gender and film, and while it didn't give me much insight into what i want to study for my thesis, it did help me gain a broader knowledge of the conversation. 

dprvtn

day was foggy and blurry due to lack of sleep, causing me to float from class to class and off to work at chapel hill.  tried to watch a movie for leisure, but ended up falling asleep round eleven thirty...

the most i've packed into a day yet

the day was a swirl, complete with class, last minute errands and prep for life stories interview, job/advising/film/thesis meeting (all condensed into a one-hour slot of overwhelming intensity--these meetings always leave me drained because they're so challenging/encouraging in many ways), a reunion/interview with my high school english teacher (another meeting that left me drained and overwhelmed--i think i feel that way after talking with people who believe that i can be more than i think--which is simultaneously uplifting and terrifying), quick dinner before work at belden, followed by an intense all-nighter of film critiquing, comm theory critiquing, critical film viewing, life-narrative writing, and memoir reading.

strange assortment

wanted to try a new church this morning, but my roommate bailed and some unsureness on location and starting time made me change my mind.  watched a film, cleaned, did laundry in the afternoon, before going to the mexico mission trip reunion at Tlaquepaque, which was two-hours of loud, obnoxious fun. the evening was devoted to investigating the dense and complicated world of feminist film theory.