gently navigating the past while still tying to construct the present

Melanee and I fulfilled our duty as the EC fag-hags and had lunch with our corresponding counterparts--Zach and Tyler.  I came home and cleaned all night--sorted through past eras first physically, then emotionally as Alyssa and I failed to connect with a previously close friend.

the ebb and flow

worked the long shift, where i had shifting emotions about the work i was doing, feeling both satisfied and disgusted.  afterwards i spent time with ben for the first time in months, which was fun, but also reminded me that that chapter of my life is over, and i don't think i'll be reading it again.  went to muggs to homework, but ended up visiting with people who compose my life now, and i was reminded of how much i appreciate them, and more about how much i appreciate the newness that accompanies this strange and transient path of life.

record record

a friend and professor just ended a blog that he wrote on everyday for a year.

i didn't realize it was only supposed to be for a year when i started reading.

the point is, i read faithfully, everyday, about what was happening in his life. his writings brought me relief and challenge. they challenged me because when he squeezed his experiences down, he simplified it to the basic sensations that moved him forward. he often reflected on "big" ideas that he gained through the simplest of activities. I was always impressed by the way he was able to incorporate something more into the mundane--something i've felt incapable of. they brought me relief much the same way a good story or film can--by offering a window into the life of someone else. watching his life unfold before me through his eyes gave confirmation of the world as bigger than the individual.

some days he reflected on activities that I had been involved in. i got to read his interpretation, his involvement, how it impacted (or didn't impact) his life. in a way, i experienced that year along with him. we were co-creators of a social space wherein we both had knowledge of the past and equal anticipation of the future.

the abrupt end leaves me afraid that the connection is somehow lost. that i will never regain the assurance of humanity that he left me with.

so i'm creating my own.

this is my attempt to re-create what he did. to challenge myself to look at my day(s) as more than a series of separate events. to challenge myself to keep up with something everyday. to document my life. to tell my stories in order to make sense of my social world. to help someone else.

i'm allowing myself to write as little or as much as I want. i'm also allowing myself the choice to skip days altogether without feeling the pressure of having to play "catch up." my life is busy, and if i get behind, i don't want this being another "failure."

so if you're reading, welcome. i hope this gives you hope.