not much else

Went to class, took my mom to the airport, homeworked at muggs, did a photo shoot with tyler, watched rushmore for the heck of it, studied for chem, production meeting, bed. 

Sometimes I Don't Care If I'm Still in Eighth Grade

In history I got a note from Faith saying that the new-guy barista thought I was "hott," and then when I mentioned Oxford I got even hotter--off the charts hott.  Surprised and delighted and mildly creeped out, the rest of the day was spent in a self-confident high complete with giddiness and giggles and, of course, lots of oogly journaling.

perhaps a miracle just the same

Church at Akron Christian Reformed, where I think I expected a miracle and then was disappointed when one eluded me.  Spent the majority of the day at Muggs doing homework and flirting with the new-guy barista. 

forensics

hard forensics workshop retreat day--duos, faith lits, speeches, general prep for nationals.  it's weird that the "easy" part of practicing seems like the most difficult and most debilitating...

asked

The comm department apparently values my opinion, and asked me to sit in on an interview with a new prospective candidate to fill the tv/broadcasting role.  While writing feedback, I was asked to drive a professor's car to transport another professor's children, and was just astounded by their affirmation and trust.  I was also asked to mandate a post-play discussion, and it was insinuated that I might have a job as a research assistant this summer...  It's things like this that make me feel blessed and loved and humbled that people whom I respect and admire have respect and high opinions of me.

This is why I can't have a boyfriend

Though I am feeling free and able to be creative in different outlets, that still didn't mean that I wanted to spend 7 hours on a mediocre photography project that I clearly invested more time in than anyone else, desperate for perfection and proof and validation.  So after four hours trying to develop the perfect print with the perfect verse, I gave up and cropped melly's face, triune-ed her, matted her with a triune verse with red accents, and then was upset by the lack of encouragement and my inability to be geometrical.  Writers meeting reminded me of my extensive to-do list, and then a late night call from an extra flirtatious boy left me flattered but annoyed at the homework he was making me miss.  

Inbox:

I skipped chem and chapel, feeling rebellious and free and guilty, turned in my history paper, and waited in anticipation for the notification from BestSemester.  Nothing in the inbox.  Lunch with connie, mel, sarah, deshanna, victoria.  Nothing in the inbox.  Read article.  Nothing in the inbox.  Print acetate paper.  Nothing in the--oh!  Wait!  Something's there--Yes! Accepted!  Did I read it correctly?  Yes!  Confirmation!  Tell everyone, celebratory dinner, (media stories seminar), visit with Tyler, full out applause from late night?, Social life!

Wait--all social life and no homework?  That seems a little contradictory for a future Oxford student...

I'm a teacher.

I felt nauseous as I walked to Mitchell 107, dressed "professionally" in jacket/green silkish shirt, jeans, black chucks, coffee and notes in hand to prep me for my insanely interesting lecture on genre and tv. I attempted to navigate the delicate balance between convention and invention in my presentation style as a way to satisfy the ritualistic experience in a way that illuminated what I was teaching them--making sure to have just enough Andrewisms in my speaking style/sentence structure mixed with my own content. It was okay. I ended class half an hour early.

The rest of the day? A whirl--picking mom up from ER, lunch, muggs for history paper, Amy to soccer practice, production meeting, revolving doors, minor social life, laaaaaate night finishing Emperor of China.

Instruments of power and control whose texts naturalize the dominant ideology of the capitalist system

An average filled to the brim Monday, where I half-assed studying for sociology (though am pretty confident about the grade--blessed with good test-taking skills).  I dove into prep for the genre lecture, sure that I could never learn enough to give an adequate lecture, but forced to do it nonetheless.  Fell asleep to "structural approaches employ semiotics. they compare the syntagmatic narrative structures to the paradigmatic pairs of themes created in particular genre texts to illuminate different types of meaning..."

Our tools may take over, but damn they're useful when they work.

I didn't have my car back yet, so I didn't worry about church and slept in instead.  I went to the "Film Sushi" Japanese Short Film Festival and was blown away by these miraculous films.  Connie drove me home to pick up my truck, and on the way home I stopped at muggswigz to work on my genre lecture, my history question of the week, and my lab report.

forensics tournament

Wore red for Valentine's day (not really, but it worked out well), spent the day in rounds, trying to do off-round studying, but not accomplishing anything.  Finished third in prose, had fun-filled dinner with Ann and her niece and nephew and the team, then had a semi-depressing drive home when Tyler's promise to go to muggs fell through. 

Someone hand me a paper bag? I'm hyperventilating.

After a minor panic attack caused by my thesis adviser's somewhat over-dramatized reaction to my defense of the break-up narrative (saying that maybe it doesn't exist? But I've read and researched so much already!  it HAS to exist!), I had to rush to my room and pack for the Geneva forensics trip.  Van ride was fun, and tiring, and I felt nauseous when we arrived due to my lack of practice (on the Barbie piece) and my absence of an intro...

Is this mediocrity?

I felt immediately stressed, knowing that Thursdays are supposed to be semi-free but have somehow become the longest day of all, and for the first half of the day was downtrodden and most likely a bummer to be around.  I made a conscious effort to free myself of expectations and to-do lists for my time in the photo lab, so very aware that all such deadlines would be impossible to finish and therefore pointless to stress myself with--and as a result I spent four hours making one print that's not even presentable yet (because I still need to format the text, mirror it, print on acetate, flip it backwards, set it in between the positive and the polyfiber sheet under two plates of glass, and then expose it at F8 for a minute? two? five? it's a neverending guessing game...), and then went to the revolving doors writers meeting, and was so exhausted that i didn't even care that i hadn't fulfilled those (now proven false) promises.

Our Tools Take Over

An old friend-ish person offered to let me use his AAA to phone a tow-truck to get my car home (and then he consequently abandoned me to ride with the creepy tow-truck man, so i frantically called connie to drive me instead), and afterwards i nervously faced a surprisingly pleasant Russ who promised a fixed vehicle by the end of the weekend.  When Connie and I finally got back to school, I experienced a heightened awareness of how much MORE I didn't get done, and had to settle for (most-likely false) promises for tomorrow...

sometimes it's just too hard

was up until 3:30 am finishing blog feedback for the MMS class, only to find out that I wasted my cram session because we won't pass them back until thursday.  as they watched Merchants of Cool (which took me 20 minutes to find), I stumbled back into bed, only to sleep through weigh-in, face a dead battery/starter/fuel pump problem in my car, and then go into work without clear goals in mind.  what else can i be inefficient at?  bring it on...

Monday's drag long

exhausting classes.  frustrating teachers.  annoyingly had to face different worldviews that i will continue to have to be subjected to for the rest of the semester. 

Where's the Fun Stuff?

With four papers due on Monday, it was impossible for me to slack off for any part of the day.  And instead of going to church, I stayed in the room writing sociology and chem lab report.  Went to Muggswigz for a change of scenery, where I wrote my internship reflection paper and my history question of the week.  At the end of the night, I felt as if I was back in middle school...writing about Christopher Columbus, racism, UV light rays...

between rounds

The IE side of the tournament meant longer hours, more people, and more stress.  All day I spent at the ballot table, trying desperately to complete homework during down time between rounds, with as much ineffectiveness as if I had been competing.  And at the end of the night--my car wouldn't start!

i'm tired and we haven't even started yet

my day was devoured by the forensics tournament, connie and i running around like mad collecting food, trophies, entertainment, doing all things random.  packed up our stuff and went home for brief respite.

My Day With One Class

I went to MMS and helped find lyrics for Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" for the class to analyze in preparation for their media text analysis paper, but overall have been feeling pretty useless in the classroom.  The rest of the day filled quickly as I had to go early to the photolab, and then to the first reelate storyteller meeting, and then to revolving doors writers' meeting, and then was a little reckless and went to see "Frost Nixon" with Stephen, Nate, Chris, and Nick instead of doing homework. 

over exposure?

I sat at a table, computer propped in front of me, legs crossed under the table, scarf draped around my neck, papers and film books strewn about the table.  I sat back from my genre description, brought my arms to rest on the edge of the computer, folded my hands in front of my face.  I glanced out the window, caught in the veracity of the swirling snow visible through a pane of glass outlined by solid concrete blocks.  Brandi Carlile passionately sang "Hallelujah" from my itunes.  The snow seemed relentless. 

I saw the window, and the snow, and the bricks--but another part of me saw a girl, sitting at a table, looking out a window with hands folded in front of her face.  As the music began crescendo-ing, I panned around her face, and quickly moved farther away in a sweeping motion on the outskirts of the room. 

Fade.

love that media

Was a kiss-ass in the morning, buying coffee for all my reference writers in order to express my gratitude.  Felt like it must be a good day...

The lecture for MMS was just as inspiring as it was two years ago, and filled once again with fresh motivation I went down to the editing suite and spent four hours finishing the visuals for my spiritual autobiography.  ended the night with the first episode of revolving doors for the season, and then laughed with ann and stephen until right before bed time.

Monday, Monday

can't trust that day. 

my busy day--spent in class and chapel and class and lab and in akron for a lecture.  dinner with mom somewhere in there.

Different from last year's superbowl sunday...

Went up to Akron Christian Reformed again with two of the suities, and really enjoyed the sermon/essay on the power of the word, which prompted me into a renewed desire for spiritual growth and investigation.  I chose to go home for the day instead of watching the superbowl (because let's face it, no matter how funny the commercials are, it's not worth it to me) and instead watched "The Gods Must Be Crazy" with mom. 

A reaffirmation of the value of cinema

I actually woke and rolled out of bed before ten o'clock on my first weekend off work, and then began to: read "Emperor of China" and write the summary for two sections, write my review of Slumdog for the aviso, write my responses for the chem lab on carbon dioxide generation (by decomposing sodium bicarbonate mixed with hydrochloric acid, of course), and continue reading the ever increasing amount of blog entries for MMS.  When the suities wanted to go to Muggs later in the evening, I read an implication that they didn't want me along.  I began to feel left out, alone, and depressed by the choices I have made to follow academics with more severity than my friendships.  Watching The Lives of Others did little to uplift those feelings, but the experience was worth all the more because of it.

trying to do it all

chemistry was hilarious and confusing, history was fascinating and sporadic, and my weekly thesis/internship/film meeting was long, frustrating, and overall left me with a feeling of uneasiness about my projects and our strained interaction.  Left hoping that it was more a reflection of our both surmounting stress levels and not an indication of sour resentment or increasing annoyance.

said "screw it" to productivity, and instead went to the theatre with Tyler to see Slumdog Millionaire.  Back at school, I continued my social interactions and played Karaoke Revolution with new people... felt satisfied by my active involvement, but was exhausted at the end of the night.