under the crabapple tree

was free
in a "free-to-do-work" kind of way.
so i sat in my cubby,
and i wrote about interns,
and i resented my mother when
the caller ID showed her name.

she sounded panicked, and explained
that Cadie was breathing heavy, and had
peed on the floor after failing to walk straight.
she didn't know what was wrong,
and i didn't care, but I wanted
it all to be gone.

when i hung up the phone,
i felt regret and remorse,
and knew that something was inherently
wrong with my character.

Cadie had SSA,
i ran away,
and sobbed my way
through the rest of the day
wishing it were the may
when my dog first came home.

but i hate being sad
and i have to return to the everyday
workings of college and responsibility
but it's hard when everyone offers
consolation
compassion
sympathy
and especially hard when
at home where the habit is disrupted
and her bed is empty
and her toys are statues

but she rests now
facing the east
protecting the house
with her little green teddy
under the crabapple tree.