Interviewed another candidate and then watched him teach a seminar about human interest stories. Scheduling craziness meant that I didn't have my thesis meeting, which was probably an awful idea considering the astounding amount of work that I still need to do before the end of the semester. Went to the NCP with Nate to check the cast list, which almost ruined the entire day and made me severely question my decision to participate. After a bit of an uplifting talk with Meredith, I decided to let it go and just get ready for my bday party. My first alcohol party was tons of fun, filled with people whom I love dearly, though slightly ruined when Russ (himself intoxicated) yelled profanities and obscenities towards the group halfway through the night. I drunkenly tried to maintain situation prevention (a tactic I learned as a child in order to avoid such outbursts), and then had to sober up to take care of Meredith and be the good hostess.
The interaction with Russ continued to bother me, even though everyone else said that it wasn't a big deal and in no way a reflection about me. But there was a profound moment when I couldn't balance the free-spirited person I wanted to be, and the suppressed child still quivering at the harsh words from an insensitive step-father. I still haven't learned how to navigate the intersection of two lives, even when one seems long forgotten.
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