indignant

Easter break looms on the horizon, so I'm desperate to finish the day and start a few days rest.  The freedom I felt when classes ended was cut short during my thesis meeting, as Andrew reminded me of many things that still need to be finished in the next month.  Wanting to meet the huge standard I've come to think others' expect of me, I was immobilized by the sheer magnitude of what I have to accomplish in order to fulfill it.  I threw out words of frustration quickly and irrationally, and his calm, even response and even *gratitude* for screaming these thoughts was all the more unnerving.

In moments like this, I'm even more sure that my assessment of them (those all-knowing professors in the comm department), that they are intuitive and calculative and always applying theory to petty students, is so right.  I can't tell you how many times Andrew or Marcia has pointed out to me some deeper issue within myself that is probably spot on and that they've known forever and I feel violated that they know more about me than I do.

I'm being really literal.

I was apathetic and therefore unproductive throughout most of the day.  I had a strange interaction with my DP, where we were both hesitant and tentative about our role in finishing the film, and the walk after was full of self-disclosure and part emotional repair.  Spent a few hours finishing my photo project, then wasted the evening before going to Denny's late at night to meet our new friend, Paul.  Was up unfortunately late finishing a paper, and writing random bs for my thesis, and studying for my chemistry quiz.

watching, cropping, arranging, hoping

MMS in the morning was probably my best effort as a TA yet, discussing and processing Trekkies with the class, asking questions and responding to their answers.  Worked in between, and then went to AWM and lunch with Mom.  Got back to school and met with Nate to spend hours working on Definition.  Finished a rough cut, went to bed early. 

task completion

monday's are busy.  tried to navigate the busyness with the new task of editing a movie while maintaining friendships and not letting my self deprecation get in the way of finishing endeavors successfully.  entirely too conscious of the four day week ahead.

hoping it's the beginning of something great

slept in, then went down to the editing suite to start transferring footage.  edited about three minutes of material, then met meredith at muggs for an evening of homework. 

lots of things with lots of people

Finished filming out at the KOA, where I was extremely pissed by Nate's insistence on acting as director.  He picked up on why I was upset, but i didn't want to instigate conflict so I just let it go.  After we finished filming, Meredith, Chris, Stephen and I met with Jeremy at Tlaquepaque for dinner, and then Mer and Chris accompanied me out to Ann's for dessert and then to Akron for the film festival.  Watched Multilevel Relationship on the big screen, and awkwardly parted ways after my hesitancy to take up Danielle's invitation (not knowing if it was authentic or sympathetic). 

sour apples

Skipped chemistry class in the morning, and then saw Meredith perform with chancels, and after history met the posse for lunch, where we decided to postpone filming once again due to the perpetual rain.  Instead, we took a scouting trip to KOA Kampground in East Sparta, and once we got back I decided I should probably clean up the 3rd floor of Founders.  Walked so many flights of stairs I don't dare to count, felt surly due to the lack of help, and then went to see God's Favorite once again to appease Stephen.  We all went to Muggs after and played Apples to Apples again, where I wasn't bitter.  Nope, I'm never bitter....